why do i care so much about the person who hurt me more than anyone else ever had and potentially ever will even though i am beyond happy with my boyfriend?
why is it that when i dream, it's usually about you? and the things we did. like get so drunk i could barely remember my own name, but never forget a single aspect of your life and talk to you about it? or stay up until most people would be waking up to go to work? or driving to "mcdonalds" two or three times a night, and never return with any food? no one questioned anything because they all understood, even the stuff that we didn't understand ourselves?
why do i care so much about what i could've and almost had with a different guy when i'm happy even though we were never anything but a little crush?
why can't i erase the memories of all the little things we used to do? like talkin' trash on people's facebooks, watchin' silly movies, cookin' fancy meals lol, and me sleeping in the bed and you on the floor, but talking like we were looking into each other's eyes?
why can't our pointless calls cease to replay over and over in my mind?
"you don't have to call to come over. i always want you here when you're not"
why can't i get over the fact that things happened and we grew apart?
why do i want you to call me just to tell me that you still feel the same way as you always have about me?
why can't i get over this?
why do i care about the guy who left me to live with all the bullshit i was going through on my own, even though i confessed the fact that i needed him, even if it was only until things got better?
why don't the stupid texts erase themselves from my mind? (i remember everything)
i think the answer to these questions is simple. i think it's just a human quality to always want what you almost had. the things that teased you. the things that make you wish you could go back in time and try it a different way.
i'm satisfied with the way everything is going for me, but i always wonder what if? what if that one relationship would've worked? how would i be now? where would i be now? who would i be now?
